How many times have you stopped yourself from being honest with your spouse, a friend, a child, or a co-worker because you fear their reaction? Do you get nervous because you think your spouse wont understand or that your co-worker will judge you for the decision you have made? Are you afraid of creating a need for an Indianapolis family therapist to intevene? Being nervous about speaking the truth in relationship is incredibly common. Everyone who seeks Indianapolis counseling will be told this. We dont want the people we love most to think of us negatively, and for most, we dont want to risk creating conflict in an important relationship. Honesty is difficult, yet it is one of the foundational characteristics of a solid relationship.
Think about a time when you have not been honest and truthful in a relationship. How did it feel? Did you experience guilt and worry afterward because you were afraid the truth would leak out? Were you afraid that someone would discover the whole truth? Did your relationship remain the same or did it change because information was being withheld? My guess is that your relationship did change because you were not entirely honest. The knowledge alone that you kept something from someone you deeply care about is enough to slightly change interactions in a relationship.
Now, think about a time that you were completely truthful in a relationship even though it may have been incredibly difficult to be honest. How did that feel? Did you feel liberated because you knew the whole truth was exposed and you had taken responsibility for your actions? Were you respected because you had been honest and truthful and were able to work through the situation in a positive manner? My guess is that even though being incredibly honest was difficult, the outcome of the situation was positive because you had no reason to worry or feel guilty.
Honesty in relationships promotes
1. Closeness
2. Positive communication
3. Productive conflict resolution
4. Regulation of emotion
5. Freedom
By risking honesty, you gain important characteristics of solid relationships and grow together to create a deeper bond. Honesty can be used in any type of relationship. Spouses who are honest remain closer and develop healthier patterns of interaction than spouses who withhold information from one another. Parents who are honest with their children create deeper connections with their children than those who are dishonest with their children. By being honest with your children and taking responsibility for your actions, you are teaching your children that adults make mistakes too. More importantly, you are showing your children the importance of taking responsibility for themselves and promoting healthy social interactions that they will use in other relationships.
If you have been dishonest in your relationship, its not too late. Speak with the person you were dishonest with and apologize for what you have withheld. I understand the difficulty of this action, but I also know the healing and bonding that occurs when honesty is displayed. Your honesty may create conflict but it will also create the chance for you to grow in your relationship and experience freedom from any negative emotion you may be carrying due to your dishonesty. Healing an important relationship is worth the risk of conflict, and I encourage you to try this in any relationship you feel would benefit from your honesty.
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